Bible Verses

Crispin Christmas 2010

December 28, 2010 By Erin Crispin 4 Comments

Last year for Christmas we spent 5 weeks at home, but that was actually the first time we had gone home for Christmas during the season. In the past, we either stayed where we were (2002, 2003, 2004, 2005, 2008) or Joe did not have a job yet, so we were already home (2006 and 2007). This year we thought about heading home once again. But we looked at what it would require: 1) a short trip for us all (6 days for a whole lot of money in plane tickets for the 6 of us), 2) me traveling by myself to stay longer, or 3) us paying for 7 tickets so we can have someone fly with me at least one way. So with those options, we decided it would be better to just stay put and enjoy a quiet Christmas by ourselves this year.

At times it can be hard to celebrate holidays on your own. I don’t tend to struggle with it as much as Joe does. But there are traditions I miss, as well as just being around family. But so many other basketball wives whose husbands have now retired say that in some ways they miss the years of being overseas during the holidays. Everything is slow, relaxed and you get some really great family time that is hard to come by when you are back in the States. So we decided to make the most of this year and really think about setting the tone for Christmas from this point forward.

** Disclaimer: This is not a post to make anyone feel guilty about how they do Christmas. I am simply sharing about how we chose to do Christmas this year. We are certainly not the standard and are not even totally set on how it will go from here on out. This is just how we chose to celebrate Christmas this year. We enjoyed it, so I am posting on it

So I have been thinking about Christmas a lot over the past few years and how it could really be more about the birth of Christ. Being overseas, you do miss out on much of the commercialism of the holiday, which I see as plus, so I figured we were one step ahead there this year. We have also settled into a good Advent routine that I felt was preparing our hearts for an anticipation of celebrating the great gift of Jesus coming to earth as our Savior.

But it still seemed like it wasn’t totally about Christ’s birth for one reason: the day always seemed to be more about presents. We could talk about the birth of Jesus as much as we wanted, but when Christmas Day came and we were left at the end of the day with a mountain worth of toys and things for me to find room for, I had a hard time seeing that the kids had thought much about Jesus or anyone else on that day. So a series of events lead up to a change for us this year:

1. For some reason I remembered being in high school and opening presents over at my grandparents’ house on Christmas. There were only 4 grandchildren, so we each took turns opening. And one year it came to my cousin Nathan and he just had a couple of envelopes. And in those envelopes were donations made for the poor in other countries to receive gifts of livestock. I remember my initial thought being “That’s weird.” But when I heard that he had asked simply for donations to his favorite charity because he really didn’t need anything, I thought it was really cool. And I desired to have a heart free from material things like that.

2. Two years ago, my friend Maria sent me a video from Advent Conspiracy. It really got me thinking about how we feel like we “need” to buy gifts for people. And how so few people in our lives actually need much of anything.

3. Then I read about one family’s experience with not giving gifts on Christmas Day and instead finding ways to worship and to give gifts to Jesus by giving to “the least of these” (Matthew 25:37-40) over on A Holy Experience.

So after a few conversations, Joe and I decided we were going to try and change things up. We had never gotten the kids a ton of stuff at Christmas (I guess, I just say that in comparison to what others I know give). But this year we picked out two small things for each of the three children (we are the mean kind of parents who don’t get gifts for a baby) and then would let them each pick out something for each other. The gifts we had picked out were coming from a package from my Mom and was not looking like it would get here by Christmas though (not her fault, actually the first time one of her packages hasn’t gotten here in 2 weeks…under “investigation” now!) So on Christmas Eve. we decided we would just let Abby and Elijah give something to each other and pick out one thing for Naomi. So we did a last minute run to the store. We decided they would open the gift on Christmas Eve., so that Christmas Day we could focus on some other things. They also ended up receiving a gift on Christmas Eve. from the sister of the President of Joe’s club whose home we spent some time at on Christmas Eve.

On Christmas Day, we really tried to focus on the birth of Jesus. We had signs put up with Scripture celebrating the birth of Jesus, which we read at Christmas. We had balloons for His birthday and a birthday cake that we ate after dinner (we even sang, but I had to stop at the candles because how do you know how many to put on for an eternal God? Plus, then who blows them out?) We did family worship time and sang a lot of the hymns we had been singing throughout the month. We read the Christmas story in the Bible, storybook Bible and in our advent calendar. We ate a nice dinner and gave thanks for Jesus and one another. It was a really relaxed and fun day.

The highlight of the day for everyone I think though was picking out gifts for Jesus. I made some simple construction paper ornaments that we had sitting by us as we looked through the Compassion, Gospel for Asia and Harvest of Hope websites. The kids each picked out one gift they paid for on their own and then were able to pick out 5 other gifts that we paid for. As a family we then decided on a family gift. We couldn’t decide between a Jesus Well and a house for a family in Bangladesh, so we did both. I then wrote each of the gifts we gave on the ornaments and we hung them all on our tree. It was so fun to go through and see all the wonderful ways we could be a blessing to others.

Here are a few things I learned through that experience:

1. A lot of my hold-up from not wanting to do something like this earlier was from fear of man. What would people think when they heard we didn’t give our kids a load of gifts on Christmas? I think I was half-expecting the “child police” to knock on my door and ask for an explanation. It is off-beat, so it is not an easy thing to do when others may think you are a bit weird.

2. I also had thoughts running through my mind of my own Christmas memories. You can start to think that you are taking away the “magic” of childhood when you do stuff like this. This thought did not stick for long though because I had thought that one through when we decided not to do Santa and I know that good memories can be formed from lots of things. Good memories are often formed about the things that parents do with joy and get their own children excited about.

3. I understand the whole “we give gifts because we are being like Jesus who gave Himself as a gift”. But the more I thought about it, Jesus gave Himself to us because we HAD to have Him. We could not save ourselves. That kind of gift is giving to those IN NEED. I think that is why the giving we did this year was more enjoyable and felt more Christmas-like.

4. I also realized that I want to break free from the pressure of “having” to give gifts on certain days (Christmas, birthday, etc.) Of course on a birthday, I want to encourage that person who is special in my life with how much they mean to me. And maybe it is through a gift. But maybe it is through a letter. Or a photo video showing our special times together. Or a time out together to celebrate our relationship. I still want to give gifts, but I want them to be overflows of my heart. I want to see something I think would bless a person, buy it and give it to them. Not “save” it for their birthday or Christmas.

5. The kids also showed me how much more they enjoy two presents than fifty. They played with the two things they got so much more than they ever played with any one of the fifty they had gotten in the past years. I have always believed that kids are stifled by having too many things, but this Christmas really put that into reality for me.

So just some things that this Christmas taught me. I don’t know how it will work next year. I don’t know how it will work when we are home and relatives have gifts for the kids. I do know that this was one of my most favorite Christmas’s and that must say something.

Filed Under: Bible Verses, Christianity, Living Abroad, Our Family

Merry Christmas from the Crispin Family

December 25, 2010 By Erin Crispin 2 Comments

The last few days have been filled with illness here in the Crispin household. But what a way to prepare to celebrate the birth of Jesus! Sickness is just another reminder that things are not as they ought to be and that we as humans need a Rescuer. Praise the Lord that God sent His Son to rescue us from our sin. He was born a baby and lived 33 years so that He can comfort us in all our afflictions (2 Cor. 1:4), as He himself suffered more than we can ever imagine. What love is this (1 John 4:9) that God would send His own Son? We are worshipping God today for the precious gift of Jesus and wish your family a very Merry Christmas!

Filed Under: Bible Verses, Christianity, Our Family

Struggles of the Basket Life: Adults Viewed Casually

December 14, 2010 By Erin Crispin 1 Comment

My cell phone rang about 30 minutes after Joe left for practice this morning. It was an unknonw number, but I picked it up and said “Hello?”

“Pronto. This is ______ (Joe’s teammate). Is Elijah there?”

I don’t normally get phone calls for Elijah on my cell phone. But it didn’t totally surprise me because Elijah usually goes to practice with Joe on Tuesday mornings but was home after being sick last night. And Joe’s teammates are “his buddies”, so I wasn’t surprised he got a call. I have said it many times, that I am so thankful Joe can take Elijah to practice and Elijah can bond with other guys.

The only thing that concerns me at times is that in this lifestyle where your Dad plays a game for a living and his fellow employees are guys you can just hang out with, is that adults can be viewed very casually. Not we aren’t super conservative when it comes to how we interact with the kids. They don’t have to call us “sir” or “ma’am”. We give our kids high fives, which some parents think is too casual. But I do want the kids to grow up respecting their elders (Leviticus 19:32).

I grew up always calling adults Mr. or Mrs. except in rare cases of very close family friends. Our kids barely know any Mr. or Mrs. because so many of the adults that they know are in the basketball world. Elijah doesn’t go to practice calling Joe’s teammate Mr. ____. In fact, most of the time he refers to Joe’s teammates by the nicknames that Joe himself calls them! He gives them high fives, wrestles with them, plays games with them and invites them over for brunch.

I love that our kids get to interact in Joe’s job in such an intimate way because of the casualness of it, but I do wonder how they will transition into the culture of Mr. and Mrs. when Joe’s career is done?

Filed Under: Bible Verses, Struggles of the Basket Life, The Baller, The Kids

The Burden of Children

July 8, 2010 By Erin Crispin 4 Comments

Al Mohler posted an article today on the sad state of the unhappiness adults find in being parents. His commentary was on an article from the New York Magazine that reported that parents are unhappier than non-parents even though most people believe that having children will bring them happiness. You don’t have to go very far to see that this is true of most parents. You more often hear complaining about how hard being a parent is and the desire for changes in their children (I am in this boat here as well, so I am not trying to rebuke anyone!) As Christians, this really should not be so. The Bible tells us that:

Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. – Psalm 127:3

So why do so many of us find children to be such an inconvenience? Here are a few thoughts from my own life:

1. We believe that blessing means something should bring us comfort and ease. Children are indeed a blessing, but that does not mean they are easy! I must remind myself again and again in life that it is the hard and often challenging things that are most rewarding and do the best work of making me into the person I know God created me and saved me to be.

2. We value being served above serving others. Parenthood when done right is constant self-sacrifice with not as much immediate reward. If you come into parenthood believing that your life should still stay the way it was beforehand and that children will just fit right into all the little boxes that you had your life organized into beforehand, you are in for a big surprise! You quickly find that to put your children’s needs above your own you will often be tired (from middle of the night comforting, constant care of small ones who need you for everything, etc.), hungry (because you always eat last!), miss out on fun events (in order to preserve naps), and be under-appreciated for all that you do (just as you under-appreciated your own mother). So what keeps you going? The knowledge that God promises greater joy on earth to those who become a servant of all is one thing (Mark 10:44). And the promise of even greater treasures in heaven for those who do work that is unseen and eternal. A verse that I often need to meditate on as a mother is 2 Corinthians 2:17-18:

For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.

Our culture is constantly telling us that not only can we have it all, but we deserve it all. To fight those messages and put others above yourself is a daily battle.

3. We have little or no vision for our job as a parent. If we get caught up in the daily grind of being a parent, it can become rather depressing. What is the point of me wiping another bottom or doing another load of laundry? But if we look at these precious little ones as lives that we are raising to go out and make an impact in the world for the greater good than our work suddenly becomes much more meaningful.

4. We feel guilty about not doing something “greater”. This is especially true for mothers of young children (as I am) who are in a season of life when beyond caring for your husband, children and the home, you barely have time for anything else! Suddenly guilt starts to set in that you could be doing so many more “important” things. Then you start to beat yourself up and compare yourself to some other “super mom” of young children who seem to be able to do so much more. I was greatly encouraged by this article by Jani Ortlund on this subject.

Let us go forth today in the joy that children bring and the great work God is doing in our lives through being a parent!

Three of My Blessings

My Other Precious Joy

Filed Under: Bible Verses, Christianity, The Kids

In the matter of 8 hours…

May 20, 2010 By Erin Crispin 14 Comments

…we went from this,

10am:

to this,

2pm:

to this!

6pm:

We are now a family of 6!

Isaiah Sean Crispin
May 15, 2010
1:58pm
8 pounds, 4 ounces
20.5 inches

The Lord has done great things for us; we are glad. -Psalm 126:3

Filed Under: Bible Verses, Our Family, The Kids

Avoiding Being a Married Black Hole

May 6, 2010 By Erin Crispin 1 Comment

It has been wonderful having Joe home. When we are apart, I appreciate our marriage even more because I see how we function as one, the ways our strengths and weaknesses compensate for one another and how the roles we each fulfill makes the other better. In the lifestyle that we live in overseas, we get a ton of time together. Even though Joe travels, he works very few hours compared to most jobs and our outside commitments during the season are so few that we see a lot of each other. This can be a really wonderful thing, but you realize it isn’t necessarily the best when you are home and involved in a community.

Last night we were able to enjoy a date night out together. It was great to have one-on-one time again, but it would be dangerous if we decided that we would just lock ourselves in together for the next week. That is because both of us are better spouses to one another when we are in other thriving relationships (friendships, family, mentors, etc.). When we got home from dinner, our good friends and neighbors Larry and Michelle came over to say hi and chat. It was so great to see Joe interacting with one of his good friends once again. It reminded me of a part of him that I love, but can’t always necessarily bring out. This is what C.S. Lewis was expressing in his book The Four Loves when he talks about losing one of his closest friends, Charles, whom was a part of a tight triangle of friends along with himself and his friend Ronald:

“Far from having more of Ronald, having him ‘to myself’ now that Charles is away, I have less of Ronald. In each of my friends there is something that only some other friend can fully bring out. By myself I am not large enough to call the whole man into activity; I want other lights than my own to show all his facets.”

This is how it is in marriage as well. Couples that try to exist as a “black hole” and only have one another actually have a worse relationship. I am a better wife to Joe when I am a good friend, a good daughter, a good mother, a good sister, etc. And the same goes for Joe.

Not only is it good for your marriage, but if you are a Christian, it is a way to showcase the gospel. In John 13:34-35, Jesus says:

“A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”

We showcase the gospel by the love we have for others, not just our spouse. When we live in a community of relationships where we have love for others, we are better spouses and show the world the love of Jesus.

Filed Under: Bible Verses, Christianity, Inspiring Quotes, Our Family, The Baller

Another Interview

April 29, 2010 By Erin Crispin 4 Comments

I was recently asked to answer some more questions about my life as a professional athlete’s wife. I find it really neat that people are starting to wonder more about the role the woman of the family plays in this lifestyle, so I am always willing to answer any questions I can. If any other wives or girlfriends of professional athletes out there are willing to answer these types of questions, please leave me a comment and I will pass your information along to the Columbia University grad. student who is working on this class project.

How did you and Joe meet?
I have provided the in-depth story of how we met on my blog at this link.

Were you ever concerned about marrying a professional athlete with some of the stereotypes attached to his profession?
I was definitely leery at first with dating Joe before I knew what his relationship with God was like and the things he stood for. In every marriage, the threat of adultery is real because we are all sinners with hearts that are imperfect. But for us, the foundation upon which we have built our marriage (the Bible, which says that marriage and sacred and that wise marriages set up boundaries) has been a good starting point for us.

I did struggle with the social aspect of his profession at first though. There is lots of “small talk” involved with fans and other people and when we were first dating, I wasn’t a huge fan of this aspect of the life. In sharing these concerns with Joe, he rightly spoke that God would use this in a good way in my life. I have seen God take a shy, insecure college girl and make her into a wife and mother who enjoys using this life to bring God glory and help others.

How does it feel having him in Italy when you are home in the states?
Being apart for us is very tough. The longest we have ever spent apart is 4 weeks. This is a choice we have made consciously. We are extremely close and work very much as a unit in our marriage and parenting. We feed off of one another’s strengths and weaknesses, as well as just enjoying one another’s company more than anyone else in the world! We also don’t feel it is wise for our marriage to open up the door to temptation by spending long periods apart. We also see the benefit of our children having both parents with them as much as possible. To have their father in the home as a leader is something that is extremely important to us, so when we are apart, there is definitely a different air in the home.

What stereotypes do you feel you face as an athlete’s wife?
There are plenty of stereotypes out there, but for the most part, I think you can choose about whether you want to let those stereotypes affect you or not. I may get comments on my blog that are not always so kind, but for the most part, I try to not read any other media outlets where people are venting on Joe or myself (usually there are fan sites where people feel like they have the expertise to vent on basketball and players specifically).

I know some people feel like many of the wives are just women who are there to basically just stand by their husband’s side quietly. Although I am fully joyful to be the “helper fit for Joe” (Genesis 2:18), that involves a lot of work that is more than just showing up to his games looking pretty (not saying I do that ever!) I take my job seriously as his wife to encourage him in areas of victory, challenge him in areas of sin, care for his basic needs and find ways to bless him so that he can thrive in the job as a husband, father and basketball player. It is really a privilege to journey together on this road of life.

How do you maintain a strong marriage?
There are a couple of components I would say are pretty big for us. First of all, we entered into marriage with someone that we agree on the big issues of life with. This made things a lot easier for us. We agree not only that Jesus is the only way to heaven, but also on some big theological issues (how people are saved, the role of men and women in families, the church and the world, how children should be raised, etc.) that have kept us from many arguments! Not that we haven’t had to work and struggle through things, but since we both believe the Bible to be the ultimate authority in life and that there are good (and bad) teachers of the Bible who can help us learn and expound on things, it has kept our marriage from being found on a “Well, I feel like…” We can base our marriage on what is truth and real, not always what each of our own felt needs are.

One big conviction Joe has always held is to never go to bed (or away from each other if we can help it) angry. He is a little crazy on keeping this one at times, actually. He takes our marriage very seriously and places such a high priority on it that he truly can do nothing else if we are not at rest with one another. This doesn’t mean we have to come to an agreement, but he is always lovingly making sure there is no root of bitterness, anger or resentment anywhere between us. Having a man who is so committed to keeping our emotions in marriage pure, helps us to keep our actions pure as well. Most problems in marriage don’t just come out of no where. They come from years of bitter, angry roots taking place that eventually grow into huge problems.

We also try and keep up date times whenever we can. We realize that with 3 young children (soon to be 4, Lord-willing) it is very easy to become consumed with their needs and wants. Children need a ton of care and are very vocal about expressing it. We really need to take time to step back from them and look at how our relationship is going apart from them. Date times are a great way to do this. Our children are not going to live with us forever, but we are in this marriage until death do us part, so it is important for us to continually be improving in our marriage. This means learning about one another, studying each other and asking ways we can improve, evaluating different seasons of life and how we can best serve and love one another, and consistently asking about struggles in each others lives and how we can be praying for each other.

There is so much more I could say in this area that I think is big: keeping up a healthy, growing sex life, managing finances well, communicating with respect and honor (especially in public settings), etc.

Why has your marriage survived when so many others don’t seem to withstand the professional athlete lifestyle?
More than anything, every gift we have is the mercy of God. There is nothing we can claim as having done ourselves. Even the foundations that I mentioned we have built our marriage upon are a gracious gift of God. Even as we have worked to implement these truths, we know it is from God’s hand. We daily pray for wisdom for our marriage, protection for our marriage and the opportunity to show God’s goodness and love through it.

One specific area I have seen destroy many marriages in the professional athletics life style (either by divorce or simply by deteriorating the marriage from within) is the area of selfishness and lack of service to one another. I see this especially in a lot of the other women that I hear talk about this lifestyle. So many get so caught up in the fact that they have given up so much for the man in their life. You hear lots of things like “What about the woman behind the man?” They are so concerned with getting due credit for what they are doing that they are completely missing out on the joy that comes from serving. Jesus says in Matthew 23:11-12 “The greatest among you shall be your servant. Whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted.” Our greatest joy comes in forgetting ourselves and looking to show God as great. When we are so consumed with the praise we are ourselves are not getting, we not only make ourselves miserable, but others around us too. Obviously this is much easier to do when you are married to a man who has the same conviction of being a servant. But blessing even comes when we are loving and giving ourselves to those who are in no way returning that love. When we are looking to God for our happiness, we can do this with joy and freedom. When you view life from the cross of Jesus, your perspective is different. Instead of thinking of all that you deserve, you realize all that you have been saved from. Your life is not about getting your due, but about overflowing in thankfulness that you didn’t get what you really deserved! You see yourself as God does, as a sinner saved from hell by the gracious gift of Jesus dying on the cross. You are a work in progress and so is everyone else around you. It frees you to allow God to work in their lives and in your own life.

How do your children feel about your husband’s job?
When I asked my oldest two children (Abby, age 6, and Elijah, age 4) what they thought about Daddy being a professional basketball player, they both said, “It’s cool!” I think they both appreciate that he does have a really neat job that affords us lots of special opportunities in life. Abby has gotten to the age where she is starting to wonder why so many people make such a big deal about Daddy though!

There are times you can sense resentment for the moving we have to do though. There are tears from missing friends or our house or their toys. You can sense at times a desire to just be in one place with a “normal” life, but these are always great opportunities to speak of being thankful for all that we have, content in any circumstances and to persevere through trials. Those are huge life lessons that we are able to deal with at a young age because of Joe’s job. I see this as a huge blessing to the kids and one that puts them ahead of many their own young age.

Filed Under: Bible Verses, Christianity, The Baller

Transitioning on My Own

April 20, 2010 By Erin Crispin 2 Comments

So we are back in the States and settled in pretty well after having been here almost 2 weeks now. I have come back on my own for short breaks before, but this is the first time I have ever come back at the end of the season on my own with the kids. I have to admit I was a little nervous about the trip home at 8 months pregnant with a 6 year old, (almost) 4 year old, and (almost 2) year old. God was extremely merciful in the travel and getting settled back in though. The trip itself was as uneventful as I could have hoped for. We had no delays or problems. Abby and Elijah were both semi-pros at the travel thing. Abby rested a bit on the plane, while Elijah took an almost 2 hour nap. Naomi was my biggest challenge, as she does not like to sleep when we are out and about, but is not easily entertained by movies or videos. Thankfully she wasn’t too bad though and we had flight attendants who were extremely understanding and helpful.

When we got home, it took the kids exactly ZERO days to get adjusted to the time. Their naps were a tad bit earlier than usual, but I had no night time issues! I could not believe how smoothly we got back to this time zone because I hadn’t transitioned them before we left as much as I may have normally. I also forgot to have us all take the No Jet Lag tablets that we typically use. Again, I was amazed and grateful to God for His mercy.

Of course, in the days that have followed since we have been home, I have had my struggles. It has been tiring to be this pregnant with 3 children to care for. Thankfully we have lots of family and friends around to help, but the main burden still falls on me. Plus, the excitement of being home was at a peak the first few days, which meant the kids wanted to do EVERYTHING within the first day of being home. Being the one to absorb all their energy can be very tiring in and of itself. There have been many times when my level of patience has not reflected the grace God has extended towards me.

This has all been a reminder to me that although we often pray and prepare for the big things of life (long plane travel and adjustment to sleep schedules for me in this instance) it is in the ordinary every day things where we show the true state of our hearts. Anyone can get pumped up for the big game or moment, but it is the mundane things of life that I need to be praying and preparing for. The same God who can get me through 17 hours of travel on my own at 8 months pregnant is the one who can give me the patience to speak in a gentle voice when the kids are screaming at one another. May He strengthen you in the ordinary today.

His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence, by which he has granted to us his precious and very great promises, so that through them you may become partakers of the divine nature, having escaped from the corruption that is in the world because of sinful desire.
2 Peter 2:3-4

Filed Under: Bible Verses, Christianity, The Basket Wife

Kids and Memorization

April 9, 2010 By Erin Crispin 1 Comment

One thing that continues to amaze me as we raise children is their innate sense of memorization. When it was just Abby, I thought she just had a spectacular gift for it (which she does have a gift for it, but nothing completely abnormal). But as I see Elijah grow-up, I realize that almost every normally developed child can memorize so much more than we as parents may realize. So we are seeing that one of the greatest blessings we can give to our children is to take advantage of this young gift and store up the promises of Scripture in their hearts. We hope it will be a blessing to them when they are older to have learned hundreds of Scripture verses that will come to their minds in times of need and struggle.

Right now we do Bible memorization together as a family in our family worship time. It is really as simple as saying the verse 5 times or so (depending on the length of the Scripture passage) each day until it is buried deep down. We then review past verses ever week or so. Joe might pick verses that pertain to a certain struggle we are currently having as a family or an upcoming holiday. For example, we memorized Philippians 2:3-11 as we found we wanted to focus as a family on considering others needs ahead of our own:

Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. Therefore God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.

Elijah (age 3) had this fully memorized in about 2 weeks (although it was cute to see some words he messed up when he said it by himself!). If you aren’t sure where to start in what verses to memorize, I would highly suggest Desiring God’s Fighter Verses, which I use to memorize additional Scripture in my morning quiet times. Or please feel free to ask about some good verses to start with for you or your children.

Filed Under: Bible Verses, Christianity, Kids and ..., Parenting

FAQ: How Do You Employ Grace and Mercy in Your Parenting?

April 1, 2010 By Erin Crispin 4 Comments

In answering this question, I will first define what I believe to be grace and mercy in order that I am clear in the question that I am answering. We believe the definition of each to be:

Grace: free or undeserved kindness or favor shown by God; no matter what you’ve done or haven’t done

Mercy: forgiveness or compassion given to us by God for something that we’re guilty of doing (hence the word offenders).

So although they are similar, there is a bit of a difference when you look at the definitions. Mercy is given to those who have done wrong, while grace is a gift given to someone who has done nothing to earn it. I know many people feel that the concepts of grace and mercy cannot co-exist in families where children are spanked or told that they are sinners. For us, this is the very reason that grace and mercy can be shown in our family.

The best way we know to show these elements of grace and mercy are through the message of the gospel. Grace and mercy shine most beautifully through the gospel of Jesus. A very easy way to share the gospel with the children is through something as simple as The Gospel Song by Sovereign Grace Music:

Holy God in love became
Perfect man to bear my blame
On the cross He took my sin
By His death I live again.

Here we see the elements of the gospel in that God is perfect (holy), we sinned, God came and took our punishment on Himself on the cross in order that we could live the life we were meant to live. Gospel, which actually means “good news”, could not be good news if there were no bad news (ie. that we are sinners who need a Savior). It is like telling someone that they have found a cure for stomach cancer. Of course, they would be happy to hear that, but the news is even greater if you have told them that they have stomach cancer. So grace and mercy are communicated every time that we show our children that they fail to be perfect as God is perfect, yet God sent His Son to die for them so that they are forgiven and empowered to live in freedom from sin.

Grace is not simply the free gift of salvation, but also the free gift that allows us to live differently here on earth. As Titus 2:11-14 says:

For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age, waiting for our blessed hope, the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ, who gave himself for us to redeem us from all lawlessness and to purify for himself a people for his own possession who are zealous for good works.

If we communicate to our children that they are forgiven and given the free gift of salvation but can continue to live anyway they would like, we are doing a great disservice to them and belittling the work of Jesus on the cross. Forgiveness does not mean that we can continue to live as those who have not received mercy or that our wrongs will not still be punished. As Hebrews 12:5-6 says:

My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor be weary when reproved by him. For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives.

Then it goes on to link God’s discipline with us to how we should discipline our own children

It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline? If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live? For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness. For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. (Hebrews 12:7-11)

This shows that discipline is to be done for the good of the person out of love. So even discipline in parenting can be a gracious act if done from the right motive. A lot of people get caught up in the mode of discipline and miss the motive. They may not agree with spanking, but even things like timeouts can be done from a unloving heart. When we yell, disrespect, ignore, give the silent treatment, bribe, appeal to pride or use a host of other strategies with our children, it is not grace and mercy that is being shown forth.

The discipline must be concluded with the promises of hope though. This is where we show forth God;s grace and mercy when we share the precious promises of Scripture that point to the good God is working to act on our behalf to make us more like Jesus. We communicate the hope for change and the glorious promise of one day being free from sin and spending eternity worshiping Jesus as we were created to do! Without the hope of God’s work on our behalf, only despair will set in.

Our goals as parents are to show our children that they are sinners who need a Savior. And they are sinners who are being raised by sinners themselves. So we identify with their struggles, ask for forgiveness ourselves, pray with and for them and communicate our love in as many ways as we can find possible. It is a great responsibility to raise these young hearts for God’s glory and although we are certainly flawed in doing it, we continue to strive to do it in a way that God is shown as beautiful and precious.

Filed Under: Bible Verses, Christianity, FAQ, Parenting