Divorce in Professional Athletics: From the Baller’s Perspective (Part 1)

Today you get to hear from my husband, Joe, who is in his 10th season of professional basketball on his thoughts about divorce and professional athletics. One reason I enjoy spending time with Joe so much is because he is always challenging me to think outside the box. If we are in a group discussing something, he will be the guy that comes up with a view, angle or thought on a subject that no one else thought of. That was part of the reason I wanted him to weigh in on this topic. I hope you will be stretched by his writing to consider other reasons for the divorce epidemic among professional athletes.

Erin has asked me to write a guest post today regarding the prevalence of divorce in the marriages of professional athletes. She has given me complete artistic freedom and well over a week to put something together, but naturally, I have waited until the due date in order to write. I just can’t resist waiting until the fourth quarter.

Anyhow, I was thinking about writing a response to her posts concerning divorce, but after thinking about the topic some more, I would like to offer a few thoughts on the subject that, though somewhat obvious, are not normally considered when the topic of professional athletes comes up.

Of course, it goes without saying (or I think it should go without saying) that the ultimate reason we see divorce anywhere is because all of us, from the least to the greatest are born with a sinful bent towards ourselves. That is, we are by nature self-centered. So when it comes to marriage, the one place where self-centeredness proves most destructive, I do not find it particularly surprising that marriages fail. For as Erin and I say to anyone that listens, apart from the foundation we have in Christ, we would be very surprised if we did not fail. For it is our belief that it is only through Him that we are set free from ourselves and thus, empowered to really love one another for better or worse.

That being said, two things come to mind in the life of a professional athlete that I believe exasperate the problem of self-centeredness. Or at the very least, make the marriages of professional athletes more different and difficult than the marriage of ‘normal’ folks (for lack of a better term, for who among us is really normal?).

1) The continuity of lifestyle.

2) The pressure to perform and the issue of identity.

Regarding point number one, continuity of lifestyle, I do not mean what you probably think I mean. Not the day-to-day going out, making good money, hitting the clubs, or having nice stuff lifestyle of professional athletes. Though I obviously think this is an issue, everyone makes this point.

What I am referring to by continuity of lifestyle is the simple fact that although I am 31 years old, I am still more or less doing the same thing I did when I was 14 or 15 years old. Most of my year revolves around playing the best basketball I can play. I am focused on getting in shape and performing well on the court. On improving, on getting better, and taking the next step etc..

And although that might not seem a big deal to some, I think it is a very big issue when it comes to the lives of professional athletes and certainly at least one reason why you find too many professional athletes acting like teenagers with a lot more cash and usually, a lot more time. Think about it: the transitions that many folks go through in life and that force them to mature, many professional athletes have never endured.

Sure, some are better than others, but usually, it is only the best of the best that make it professionally, and the best of the best are often the best because they are overly focused on one thing. Not only that, but now realize that you group all these guys together on the same team, in the same kind of atmosphere that they have lived in since their teenage years. Is it any surprise then that they continue to speak and act in the same way as they did when they first got into the game? I don’t think so.

I can’t say this for sure, because I am a 31 year old who lives in the same kind of atmosphere I have always lived it, but I believe that most of us vastly underestimate how good the difficult life transitions are for us. Yes, I know that too many dudes nowadays don’t want to grow up until they are 30 or 35, but still, graduating from college and having to find a job where you wear a tie or at least work with people of various ages and from difficult walks of life is a healthy thing. It’s the real world and I think it helps people get real and grow up.

Indeed, as I write this I think about certain lines of work where there is a strong concentration of people the same age group, particularly in their 20’s or early 30’s (like professional athletics). Maybe a computer software company with a young owner. Is the atmosphere and the maturity of the men working there much different? I wonder what the percentage of divorce is for their marriages. I wouldn’t be surprised to find out that it is about the same as the percentage of divorce in the marriages of professional athletes. For these men also have failed to grow up. And they support and encourage one another in that lifestyle. That’s a tough place for a marriage to thrive.

It’s not the entire story by a any stretch, but I do believe it is one aspect of the story that is largely underestimated in consideration of this topic. For we all know that the divorce rate of teenage marriages is quite high. And even though professional athletes are not teenagers by any stretch, the fact is that many of them act like it, and I can’t help but think that a big reason why is because they are in large part focused on the same thing they were focused on when they were 15. It’s an underestimated consideration and one that not only takes its toll on marriages, but on a whole host of other things as well.

If you ever check in on my blog, you will not be surprised to learn that I could say much more and that point number 2 will have to wait until tomorrow.