FAQ: Why Are You Having Your 4th in the U.S.?

With only a few weeks left until we head home to the U.S., many people have questioned why I am going home to have our 4th child, when I had both Elijah and Naomi overseas.  First of all, it is nothing against Italy or the city of Brindisi.  I have birthed a child in Italy before and Brindisi’s hospital is nicer than the public hospital I had Naomi in in Bandirma, Turkey.  There are a few factors that are different this time around:

1. We have more children. Taking care of a newborn is not easy, but when you have 3 other children ages 6 and under, the job becomes a little more difficult.

2. Small apartment. We are currently living in a 2 bedroom apartment that feels a bit tight for the 5 of us.  To add a newborn into that mix and it would be tough for the sanity of all of us!

3. Less help. After Elijah was born my mom was able to come over to help out and Joe was not going to be in playoffs.  With Naomi in Turkey, we had 2 other American couples there (not associated with basketball) who were our friends and willing to help out. This time around we don’t have anyone who would be able to come over to stay with us (plus where would they sleep!) and there is no knowing if Joe may be involved in playoffs (which would have him playing 2-3 times a week).  Even though we have a great wife of his teammate right next door, to impose on her with 3 children when she has one of her own would be way too much to ask.

So although we are paying for this birth at home out-of-pocket, we felt it was worth it for me to have help at home with the other kids and with other general areas, like grocery shopping, cleaning, meals, etc.  My mom is going to be able to take at least a week to come stay with me, which is a big deal for me.  She has helped me after 2 out of 3 births and is always a welcome presence.  Joe’s family is also close by, including his very helpful mom a few blocks away and his aunt and sister who live around the corner.  My close friends are also next door, across the street and a few blocks away.  And our church family is always ready to help out a mother with a newborn.  Already so many have offered help once we are home, so I know I will be in good hands.

Of course, this doesn’t mean it was an easy decision or one I haven’t struggled with.  Joe’s team is currently in 2nd place in the league, one game behind the leader.  If they would win the last 6 games of the regular season and the first place team would lose 1 game, they would win the league outright (they have beaten the first place team 2 times so the tie breaker would belong to Brindisi).  The first place team is then done after the last game, which is May 2.  Teams 2-9 then play in playoffs for the other top spot to move up to the Italian first league.  With my due date being May 8 (and having never gone early), if they come in first place, he could possibly be home for the birth of our second son.  If not, playoffs can last until the middle of June.  The mix of the unknown as well as the thought of possibly being apart from him for 2.5 months and him not meeting his son for weeks after his birth has been a source of anxiety.

Although I do believe we are still making the best decision for our family, I have had to fight against my sin of unbelief that is being manifested through anxiety.  Although we are still praying daily for a first place finish (and would be happy for you to join us in praying for that!), I am fighting with the promises that God is in control, He is wise and He is working for my good.  Some of my favorite Scriptures to meditate on have been:

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. (Romans 8:28)

He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? (Romans 8:32)

You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you.  Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord God is an everlasting rock. (Isaiah 26:3-4)

Have you not known? Have you not heard?  The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth.  He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable.  He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength.  Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint. (Isaiah 40:28-31)

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.  And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. (James 1:2-4)

I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world. (John 16:33)

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. (2 Corinthians 12:9)

I can do all things through him who strengthens me. (Philippians 4:13)

This fight for faith is one that I deal with daily, but the alternative of being swayed by my emotions and things going the way I desire is much less appealing.  May God be glorified in the birth of our 4th child!