One of the biggest declines I have seen in my personal life due to being a basket wife is my ability to be a good conversationalist. Being in the position of one whose life is constantly changing, and is at times very interesting to others, makes Joe and I the target of many questions. So many of our conversations end up centered around us. It has caused us to step back and see that if we are going to find out about others, we have to be really intentional about turning the conversation from ourselves.
A book I am looking forward to reading on the subject is Mortimer Adler’s “How to Speak, How to Listen“. I am hoping that it will challenge and encourage me to be a better conversationalist. Any other tips or recommendations on improving conversation skills?
Γνῶθι Σεαυτόν, gnỗthi seautón o gnȭthi seautón
Man know thyself, and know the universe and the gods
this was written on the temple of Delphi
I also struggle with this Erin. I have to really make sure that I’m not short or rude when answering questions about Gerrit’s profession. It’s hard to answer the same questions all the time and still act interested in what you’re saying. I also have to remind myself to ask them questions about their profession too.
Andrea,
Glad to know I’m not the only one:)
Erin,
I am a little behind in your posts here, I am not a basket wife and I have not read the book, but here is my two cents:
Here are probably five of the top ten principles to which I adhere when talking with others (not in a business situation, as I have additional “rules” that I follow there):
–I try not to talk about myself or dominate the conversation and put the focus on the person or people with whom I am speaking.
–I ask a lot of questions to the person/people with whom I am speaking, to get details and to find out what the person is thinking or feeling or or how he or she felt/what he or she thought when he/she wase going through a situation described.
–I try to acknowledge/empathize with the person without turning the conversation to me and similar situation that I may have been through.
–I try not to complain.
–I try not to gossip and will walk away from (politely) from conversations where it turns to gossip.
Alex,
Those are GREAT principles. I am going to meditate on those as ways to become a better conversationalist. I am interested in what numbers 6-10 are!
Erin,
I don’t really have them numbered or anything like that, but some other things I try to keep in mind are:
–I try not to stand with my arms crossed (this is hard for me, so I try to hold a drink in my hand to keep it busy) or stand with my shoulder turned toward someone (body language stuff–other people may have problems with fidgeting, for example)
–Always look the person in the eye
–Smile politely, lean toward the person you are speaking to, nod your head, always acting interested in what they are saying, ask questions, etc..
–Listen more than I talk (it is much easier for me to find other people interesting than it is for me to talk about myself and try to make other people think I am interesting).
–Include others in the conversation (like in a social setting where someone might join in late) by asking them questions or filling them in quickly on the topic so they feel included.
Enjoy your last night of vacation.
Alex