One of the chapters in Loving the Little Years: Motherhood in the Trenches
“All this to say, I am officially on the record in favor of “me time.” It is necessary and fabulous. It isn’t good for the kids to have a frazzled and unshowered mother, so by all means get that kind of thing done. Find a way. Turn on a cartoon if you must—it isn’t the end of the world.
But there is a sense in which we must really guard ourselves. Motherhood is a demanding job. It is so demanding and intrusive in fact that it takes over your body. It uses your body, oftentimes rather roughly. This can start to bother us. You may have some weight to lose, and you might start to resent that. You might have permanently damaged something during a pregnancy. You may have big scars, stretch marks, and loose skin that bothers you. You might not have time to exercise the way you used to. All of these things can be seen as an offense against us—against our bodies.
There are really two separate points I would like to make here. First of all, our bodies are tools, not treasures. You should not spend your your days trying to preserve your body in its eighteen-year-old form. Let it be used. By the time you die, you want to have a very dinged and dinted body. Motherhood uses your body in the way that God designed it to be used. Those are the right kind of damages.”
So in this chapter, she talks about the need for taking care of ourselves, but also for seeing our body as a tool and one that will be worn and used as a mother. She talks about the danger of not taking care of yourself, but also of idolizing staying young and keeping life as it was before you had children. I have seen both of these struggles in my life.
It has been a battle for me to see the way my body has changed giving birth to 4 children in the course of 6 years. My weight is pretty much what it was when I played college soccer, but the shape and structure are worlds apart! It is easy for resentment to creep in because I can’t exercise for an hour or more a day like I used to. Or to see things I don’t like about my body and obsess over them. But the calling of being a mother is a glorious one and I know I need to be more in awe of God having allowed my body to give birth to 4 children, instead of resenting it. Our children are precious gifts and if I see the “inconvenience” in my body changing, it will be even harder to fight against other “inconveniences” that my children may bring to the table every day.
May you embrace the place God has you today and the way He wants to use your body for His glory,
I actually downloaded this book on my Kindle yesterday, after reading your blog post, and finished it up before heading to bed. The text you quoted today is what stuck with me the most. A tool… not a treasure. This fresh perspective makes my stretched road map of a stomach look a whole lot better.
Erin, you have no idea how much I needed to hear (ok, read) this today. It’s almost a bit ironic how I willingly and purposefully will push my body to its limit running (hey, I’d rather enjoy it while I am alive than try to save it for later), yet I struggle to see my stretch marks as a battle scar– a reminder of a wonderful treasure– one far more wonderful than my 18 year old body– TB.
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Thank you both so much for commenting. I almost didn’t post these for this week because i thought maybe I was the only one who struggled with this and would be encouraged. I am so glad you both were with me here. The body being the tool has really stuck with me since I read the book in so many ways because I see that I need to move away from thinking I have to have this great body, but really just take care of it so it can be a blessing to my family. I honestly think this is part of the reason I needed to get off social media. It is a place where we all post the best pictures of ourselves and, for me, where discontentment can easily breed in various areas. Thanks again to you both for reading!
That last paragraph you quoted is convicting and so encouraging. I know I am only in the beginning of this journey of motherhood but being pregnant has brought on an even greater struggle of body image. Though I try to remind myself of the value of sacrificing my body to bare my son I see so much selfishness is the discontentment of how I look and fear of not having the same body again. Thank you for sharing this and helping me to see the great privilege the Lord has given us in using our bodies to be spent for our children and not for vanity.
You would enjoy this book, Michele! God is certainly honored in us using our bodies as tools to serve our husband and children. I think body image is one reason I need to stay away from popular media, both social and otherwise (magazines, television, etc.) because it breeds discontent with that God has told us is valuable!
thanks so sharing these quotes, Erin…and I know you didn’t post this to have anyone say this, but you look amazing, friend…you are a beauty inside and out…love you!
Thanks so much for sharing this book, Ang. You are precious and an example of a beautiful, godly woman to me.